火箭
大作文
My wife and I wanted to share our new home with family and friends by hosting a small gathering in the early summer. She had prepared lots of snacks, while my job was to have the backyard in order.
There was plenty of space for the kids to run and play. There was just one thing I hadn’t counted on: My brother chose to bring his dog Toby, a 50-pound ball of fire. Though friendly, he could easily knock over my niece’s small boys and my six-month-old granddaughter. So, when my brother showed up, I asked him to watch Toby and keep him outside.
My plan was working out just fine. Toby was using up his energy by running back and forth in the backyard and giving the kids plenty of room. Unexpectedly, after supper, the weather changed. It started to rain and everyone went indoors.
It was an awkward moment. I didn’t want Toby to be running around in the house, and my brother wasn’t happy with driving home with a wet dog. Eventually, my brother decided to leave rather than force the issue.
A few days passed, and I hadn’t heard anything from my brother. I texted him and expressed wishes for him to come out again. His reply came as a surprise – a shock, actually: “Not a chance.” Clearly, he was unhappy over the way we had parted. After all, I had left him little choice. Well, he’ll get over it, I reasoned.
Two months passed. My wife suggested I get in touch with my brother, but I resisted, thinking he should call first. However, my conscience (良心) kept bothering me. I tried to put myself in my brother’s shoes. He was facing health issues and his wife of thirty-five years had passed away a few months earlier. Toby was his constant companion, the one who kept him going.
注意：
（1）续写词数应为150个左右；
（2）请按如下格式在答题纸的相应位置作答。
I realized it was me who was at fault.
With the biscuits my wife had made, I arrived at my brother’s door.
=====学生作文原图转文本：【满分25分，得分13分】
I realized it was me who was at fault. With a mixture of regret and self-blame, I thought with a pain, “Toby is the only one who kept him going. What I should do is to take care of his feeling instead of keeping my new home clean.” May be I need to make an apology to him. So I sent a text to him, but nobody answered in one hour. Noticing the scene, my wife approached me and said with gentle voice,” Why don’t you go to his house in person, and I’ll give you some biscuits I had made.”
没话找话：简单句拉长，加定语状语（或介词+形容词+名词）同位语，少情绪。任何一句话，必须带有情绪和动作，加个修辞，比喻夸张。
With the biscuits my wife had made, I arrived at my brother’s door. With butterflies in my stomach, I bit my lip, hung my head and knocked at door. The door opened with my brother confusing 没有情绪. My heart beat so violently and I apologised for my rudeness to Toby that day. Hearing my apology, the confusion on his face gradually softened into a tiny smile. “That’s no thing, ” He said, taking the biscuits and tasting one. “It is so delicious.” After that, my brother often goes to my new home with Toby. It dawned on me that, it was proper attention and mutual understanding that help build a strong bond.
跟原文语言风格保持一致。2句发挥句，如果没发挥好，最多再来一局。升华句=背诵句（好词好句）
1、衔接句太长
2、发挥句太短
3、双引号略多
4、每一句：情绪动作必须有
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第一遍修改后：【满分25分，得分17分】
I realized it was I who was at fault. Filled with regret and self-blame, I thought painfully, “Toby is the only one who kept him going. What I should have done was caring for his feelings instead of prioritizing my new home’s cleanliness.” Perhaps I needed to apologize. So I sent him a text, but received no reply for an hour. Noticing my distress, my wife approached with a gentle voice, “Why not go to his house in person? I’ll give you some biscuits I made.”
With the biscuits my wife had made, I arrived at my brother’s door. With butterflies in my stomach, I bit my lip, hung my head, and knocked. The door opened to reveal my brother, confusion clouding his face. My heart pounded as I apologized for my rudeness toward Toby that day. Hearing my words, the confusion on his face gradually softened into a tiny smile. “It’s nothing,” he said, taking the biscuits and tasting one. “They’re so delicious.” After that, my brother often visits my new home with Toby. I realized it was thoughtful attention and mutual understanding that forged our bond.
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第二遍修改后【暂时截稿】：【满分25分，得分22分】